Mommy Blogger: (Mom-ee Blawg-er) A maternal- type person that keeps an online journal, often referred to as their “J.O.B.” even if they don’t make any money. Because since it’s a J.O.B. it totally justifies sitting on the computer all day. The Mommy Blogger started out as a Farmville Fanatic on Facebook, but figured out they could get free stuff and coupons if they moved to a blogging platform, usually Blogger. Eventually, Mommy Bloggers will take up another part time job as forum troll to harass people that don’t like Mommy Bloggers and to make sure the world knows that “BLOGGING IS MY JOB BITCHES AND I’M STILL THE BEST MOM IN THE UNIVERSE…wait where’s my kid. Can’t find my kid…”
Mommy Bloggers I Hate
Boring and Lame Mommy- One popular type of Mommy Blogger is the Slice of Life, or A Day in the Life Mommy Blogger which blogs just because it’s fun. She says she doesn’t give a shit if anyone reads her blog but she wants the world to know that Johnny pooped two times in his Lightning McQueen underwear and often attaches a photo of said feat. As I have said before, that crap is boring (and gross). No one cares unless you’re someone important or famous. If you want to share every boring detail of your life with your family, that’s what Facebook is for.
Will Write for Peanuts Mommy- Mommies that claim blogging is their J.O.B. are the ones most guilty of writing and performing other stay at home duties for $2. That’s right, people will write a 400 word article for your site with your name on it for anywhere between $2 and $10 and a lot of times said person is a mom. Why? I don’t know. I have tried to explain to mommies in the past that this is not a good deal. Copywriters and blog writers are paid anywhere from $20-$100 per blog post. You’re messing it up for the rest of us who will not, under any circumstances even write a thank you card to our own family members for less than $10.
Illiterate Mommy- I’m no genius, but I do know when to use too, to and two and their and there and you’re and your and it’s and its. And you know what? Not everyone knows the difference and it doesn’t always indicate a lack of intelligence. However, if you write or blog and if you claim that writing or blogging is your job, then you had better pay attention to some grammar and spelling rules. If you can’t take the time to at least try to write coherently, I’m not wasting my time trying to read what you have written. I should not be wondering whether you or your child is updating your blog.
Product Review/Giveaway/Coupon Mommy— Bless your hearts and souls but there are far too many blogs that are designated to one of or all three of these categories. These are the mommies that most often claim blogging to be their form of employment, however let me say this: jobs pay money, not free stuff. Would you work at McDonald’s just for free hamburgers? Would you work at McDonald’s just to receive coupons for hamburgers that you could peddle to your friends and family? Hell no, you wouldn’t. Furthermore, as I’ve said before…try paying your electricity bill with diaper giveaways or a BOGO coupon for Tic Tacs. Good luck with that.
Sick and Afflicted Mommy- These blogs are all about whatever sickness the mom has. Fine if you’re educating and providing useful information to others, but if every post starts with, “today was another rough day. Tried to brush my teeth…” I’m going to feel sorry for you, but I’m also never going to visit your blog again. Ever. That shit is depressing. I have enough to be sad about without a daily reminder that it takes all of the strength in your body to wash your ass. At least toss us a recipe or something once in a while.
I do realize that I am a mommy and I blog. I also know quite a few mommy bloggers that I adore and do not fit into these categories. Dad bloggers that fit into these categories suck too sometimes and I’m all about equal opportunity so I hate you guys too. If you want to blog then blog about something that people want to read about. As my friend says…write something that actually says something. Otherwise, use Facebook and stop taking up all of the good domain names.
Here’s the other post I wrote about Mommy Bloggers. Guess I forgot I hated them.
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