I Cant Believe Anything You Rat Bastards Say Anymore

I just figured out that the whole Internet is a lie. Not that I ever thought I could rely on the Internet for truth and honesty but at least in the past it seemed as though when something was spread around and later found to be false, it was accidental. Remember when I used to expect bloggers to provide sources? Good times.

Now, it seems like the entire Internet is punking and hoaxing everyone on purpose. For example, that guy that live tweeted his douchey conversation with a lady on the plane.

I admit. I thought it was funny. Until I read an article where the lady’s relative replied with a sad story explaining she had cancer and was DYING. So then I felt like a really big jackass for laughing at the dying lady and wanted to fork out my own eyes. Because I DON’T DESERVE TO EVER LAUGH AGAIN. SEE HOW FUNNY IT IS WITH NO EYES, BIZNATCH. Thank goodness douchey guy admitted to making up the whole damn story because he purposely wanted to look like a douche. What happened to the old days when, if we were douchey, we tried to hide that shit? NO ONE USED TO BE PROUD OF BEING A DOUCHE, YOUNG PEOPLE.

It’s to the point where everyone includes, “I don’t know if this is true but…” before they share anything. Which to me means we are accepting that there’s a 90% chance this shit we’re posting online is bunk, but we’re going to do it anyway because we need you to see this right. now. And we’re hiding behind if I tell you I don’t know if it’s true, and we find out it was indeed shit, then I can’t be held responsible for sharing false information.

Because, Internet, yo.

Abe Lincoln said a lot of really deep things but he nailed it here.

In case you aren’t convinced that this may be a problem, consider how weird it is that a hoax was going around that Paul Walker died BEFORE he actually died. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be on the Internet and see people tweeting that you or someone in your family died when they really didn’t. And to make matters worse, then they die and you have to figure out if it’s still a hoax or if they did, in fact, die.

I don’t think it’s funny anymore. You know what was funny? When those guys put a rubber gorilla suit in a cooler and told everyone they caught Big Foot. No one knew until they actually had some sort of sciencey guy burn some of the hair for analysis and it melted instead of burning like Big Foot hair normally burns. Also, there is a such thing as a Sasquatch Detective. This is how I know Big Foot is real.

Anyway, am I the only person who thinks the hoaxing is getting out of hand? Also, Day 3, ya’ll. Good God this is going to be a long month.

This post was suggested by my friend over at Ned Speak. I need more ideas.



  • Ned

    You had me at Abe Lincoln in a Star Wars hat, and it just got better from there. And yeah, when Internet becomes totally synonymous with bullshit, even with snopes to fall back on… oh, that’s right, nobody bothers with snopes ’cause that’s an extra step and somebody might scoop them on the earth shattering BS they’re about to lay down.
    (btw, I just gave you an idea, you ran and scored with it)

    • http://www.christinamajaski.com/blog Christina Majaski

      I don’t think Snopes can even help us anymore because people are lying on purpose. (btw, thanks for the idea, Ned.)

      • Ned

        Ref: last line above.

        • http://www.christinamajaski.com/blog Christina Majaski

          I know. That’s why I thanked you again. I do actually read comments :)