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Stupid List Friday: Why Sister Wives Work But Brother Husbands Won’t

I’ve seen Sister Wives a couple times and I’ve actually been kind of impressed how all of the wives hold it down. Kody Brown (the husband) is a moron, but his four womens handle all those damn kids, get along, take care of their homes, and actually make Sister Wives look like a laid back kinda life.

I have no idea if I could be a Sister Wife, but I know I wouldn’t want to be married to Kody Brown’s silly ass even if I were the only wife. Maybe that’s why it works because if one of those wives had to have him around full-time, there would be a bunch of Kody Brown hair pulling and bitch slapping of Kody Brown going on.

I have wondered and mentioned on Twitter whether Brother Husbands may be a better idea, for me anyway. Instead of four women and one Kody Brown, what about one woman and four husbands?

1.  Too much laying around and ball scratching.

Like, I don’t know. Maybe you’re a different kind of dude but in my experience, men aren’t really comfortable unless they are scratching their privacy. And this activity goes hand in hand with TV watching, so pretty sure four husbands are going to spend a lot of time engaging in one or both of these activities. Then you have to constantly scream at a house full of dudes to wash their hands before touching the lettuce and end up turning into the crabby old mom of the house. And seriously, “Geez. Someone’s crabby” would be murmured like four hundred times a day.

2. Someone has to cook more than macaroni.

And it probably isn’t going to be me. I’m not cooking for four damn husbands and unless one of the husbands is a chef, you’re going to end up eating a lot of microwave burritos, hot pockets, Doritos, mac and cheese with bologna mixed in, and spaghetti because men love to say they’re cooking when they make spaghetti. DON’T LIE. YOU KNOW A GUY WHO SWEARS HE CAN COOK BECAUSE HE MAKES THE BEST SPAGHETTI.

3. How in the hell are you going to find four not crazy men?

Kody Brown found four fairly attractive, mostly intelligent, reasonable women to marry him. I don’t mean to offend men, but how the hell are you gonna find four not crazy men you want to keep around like that? Or four men who want to even be married? Trust me, the ones who will agree to it are the ones NO ONE WANTS and are really just looking for somewhere to live and eat macaroni.

4. There will be injuries from being stupid.

Four men are going to wrestle – or rassle because that just sounds funnier and someone is going to get hurt while rassling. Or someone will be injured in a fight over the XBox. Four husbands means multiple visits to the ER because they don’t know how to be entertained by sitting still for five damn minutes without falling out of tree or something. Or is that children I am thinking of. Same thing, sometimes.

Man in a tree

Well, okay. Don’t come crying to me when you get hurt.

5. You can’t leave men alone for four days.

On Sister Wives, the women ended up moving from a big house where everyone had their own spaces, to four separate homes. Poor Kody has to visit each home like Uncle Traveling Matt, every four days. The women do what they do while he’s gone, and when he returns they’re all happified. Men can’t be left alone for four days. Every time you visited a home, trees would be missing, shit would be burnt down, walls would be painted colors that don’t go with anything, and something would be wrecked. And then you’d have to pretend they did a good job so they wouldn’t get butt hurt.

After reading the replies on Twitter, I learned that the four husband/one wife situation has worked in some areas. Like Tibet.

And when men would go whaling for four years and had a good chance of dying and not returning.

That would probably work. What do you think?

Comments

comments



  • Ned

    I think 4 or even 5 husbands would be perfect for you… that way there’s at least one not on the Injured List at any given time.

    • http://www.christinamajaski.com/blog Christina Majaski

      Everyone must be injured equally. It is only fair.

  • Marjorie McAtee

    That makes marrying a sailor seem a lot more appealing. But what would happen if all your sailor husbands returned alive? A WACKY SITCOM, THAT’S WHAT.

    • http://www.christinamajaski.com/blog Christina Majaski

      Or the ones you don’t really like kill the your favorites and your stuck with the ones you don’t really like. That would be a good sitcom.

  • Ned

    … also, read “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” by Robert Heinlein.

    • http://www.christinamajaski.com/blog Christina Majaski

      Will check it out, Ned.

  • http://www.savespendsplurge.com/ save. spend. splurge.

    I think they have done this in India due to a shortage of women to find as wives.

    One woman shared among 4 brothers or cousins… (of course they’re poor as well so it stands to reason they can’t each afford one woman each).

    I am not sure how that works out… but I can tell you that my partner is fantastic. He cooks, I clean (he’s better at cooking than I am), he is very clean (bit OCD about it), and although we obviously have our flaws I can’t imagine having a husband around who doesn’t do jack squat.. especially with children.

    I’ve heard of plenty of husbands doing nothing or not wanting to be left alone with the kids because they can’t be trusted or do not want to be trusted (so the wife never leaves them with the kids which means less work).

    It isn’t babysitting if it’s your own child.

    • http://www.christinamajaski.com/blog Christina Majaski

      I hope you don’t mean her own four brothers or cousins. And, can’t be left alone with the kids. Hahahaha….yeah, pretty useless then.

  • Grace Cristo

    haaahaa this is awesome. I recently just watched all 4 seasons of sister
    wives on Netflix and I had the same thoughts about how to be married to Kody, it’d have to be a joint effort. I would be pawning him off on the other wives ALL the time. We actually talked about adding a sister wife to our marriage after this girl at the Rita’s down the street gave us free ice cream. We just don’t know how to ask her, ya know?

    And I’m with you, brother husbands…I don’t need that shiz in my life.

    • http://www.christinamajaski.com/blog Christina Majaski

      Well since you and Dan are the hottest couple in the Universe, you can probably just hog up ALL of the sister wives you want. I would recommend asking them to bring more than ice cream though, because HOTTEST COUPLE IN THE UNI.