I probably don’t even need to back that up with anything. In fact, I should have just called the blog post “Friends With Benefits is Bullshit” and dropped the mic, but I know you want to know why even if you already know why. And plus, it’s terribly unorthodox to shoot out a blog post that doesn’t actually contain anything relevant except a vulgar title (yeah, I know. About 4 million other blogs are irrelevant, but never this one).
For those of you not in the know, Friends With Benefits is pretty much the title given to a relationship between two people who have no intention of being together except for sex. Oh yeah, they are friends, which I suspect is supposed to make the male or the female, or at least one person involved, feel more important. In other words, I like you but I don’t and probably won’t ever like you enough to have anything with you and I am telling you now so you don’t start pestering me later about monogamy and stuff, because friends aren’t monogamous, fool. This is quite a bit similar to the “It’s Complicated” relationship status on Facebook. If you are in an “It’s Complicated” relationship, I’m guessing you aren’t really in a relationship.
Which is why I’m calling bullshit and I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings, but if you are in this type of arrangement, male or female, you are a moron. Don’t get me wrong, while I have been in similar relationships which of course didn’t go anywhere, I have never gone in agreeing to them never going anywhere. If you sign up to be a greeter at Walmart, you don’t get pissed off that you aren’t the manager, right? But, if I sign up to be the manager and you put me in the special vest and after two weeks I’m still greeting people, someone is going to be screaming “I did not sign up for this shit.”
I recently chatted with a guy who told me that most of his relationships were Friends With Benefits. Except, the current one is seemingly getting attached and probably wants more but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and shit he was upfront about it and why the hell can’t women just get that…
Duh. Someone is always going to get attached. It’s sex. And I’m guessing but I think probably that someone is going to be the woman 9 times out of 10, who agreed to the arrangement thinking she might change someone’s mind by being the greatest FWB of all time. That’s the problem though, he already told you from jump he didn’t want anything else with you, but probably just wants to have a bestie around to sex occasionally, while he finds the person he really wants to be with. Which by the way, isn’t you.
So, what about the in-between relationship times when a friend with benefits would come in handy? How is that harmful to anyone, if both parties decide up-front that they are just temporarily assuming the duties of a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover? I DON’T KNOW, but I do know, there’s a thin line between FWB and one night stands. Except one is kind of dragging someone along, and the other involves someone going away to never bother
me whomever is involved again. I don’t think either has much to do with friendship.
Also, I haven’t even gone into the single mom factor. If you think your kid doesn’t know and won’t blab to their entire Kindergarten class that mommy has friends that sleep over, you are delusional. Consider whether you are really okay with this title. You sir and you madam, deserve more.
What do you think? Does FWB work for you or is one person always hoping for more?
***I’ve been too busy lately, but I wanted to thank Lara from Only-Mama, for the email this morning. I promise to do better.
“Not to be weird or stalky or anything, but you were one of my favorite bloggers. I still look every morning to see if you had anything new up there. I assume you are busy doing work related or life related things, but I just wanted you to know someone missed your posts.”
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