You Can Make Friends and You Can Make Pudding. But Can You Make a Person Insecure?

Years and years ago, when I was much hotter and younger, a guy friend explained something which completely changed my life. “Christina, men are not pieces of wood.”

What can I say, I find enlightenment in odd places. The statement actually made me realize a couple things:

1. For a long time, I did not view men as people. Sounds a bit odd, but I guess I saw them as humans but just not humans like the kind of awesome and brilliant human that I am. Awesome and brilliant in your own right, mind you. I’m not one that ever thought men were big hairy bodies of stupid, just for a lack of better terms, pieces of wood.
2. I realized that maybe this affected how I treated them. Some things which would hurt my feelings, I assumed they wouldn’t even notice. Unless it was naked. You all think differently. You don’t really have feelings, do you? ¹

I read something a woman posted (not linking because it’s personal) about waiting out that countdown for the guy to call after a date. It’s excruciating and from a discussion with my friend, I’ve learned we all kind of do this. Especially after sex. For some reason, the most secure woman in the world will turn into a blob of sloth lady if the guy doesn’t call right away.  This, I’d imagine is one of the worst parts of the relationship game. It shouldn’t be a game, but it is and since so many times people withhold what they want to say and refrain from doing what they want simply because of the so called rules of the game, it turns into a pretty shitty game. Insecurity is the number one cause of stalking and spying, by the way. ²

Look at all my men…

Sometimes, (from personal experience along with numerous Waiting to Exhale conferences with numerous chicks of awesomeness) guys will wait days to call. I wonder why. But even more than that, I wonder why something like a phone call (which we are fully capable of making ourselves) can cause so much insecurity. I’ve done this, not thinking pieces of wood cared, and maybe they didn’t.  And sometimes, since wood doesn’t talk, I could be doing something that totally pisses them off and have no idea. I know that’s hard for you to believe. Instead of making the phone call which he may be waiting for, we wait and drive ourselves nuts. I’m not really sure that makes sense.

I am most often one that represents the ideology that if you are insecure, it isn’t my fault. You just are. I can’t make you happy or sad. I can’t make you insecure. However, if you don’t call me 4 days after a date that seemingly went splendidly, you made me insecure. I’m not an insecure woman, but I would probably blame you. You did it. Your fault and at the same time, if I didn’t call you either, well WTF is wrong with you, jerk.

And because sometimes I am contradictory in nature, I will consider for exactly two seconds that maybe there have been times when I have made men insecure. If you are not pieces of wood, if I am able to be kicked into the pool of insecurity myself by the same actions, if you were (as I’ve been told) not crazy before you met me, then maybe it is possible that I am part of the mechanism that caused it. I have admittedly done shitty things because I figured it didn’t matter, that if done to me would probably have unleashed a kind of hell you’ve never heard of.

Can you make someone insecure?

And guys, let’s solve one of life’s mysteries. Why would you ever wait 4 damn days to call someone? Should we just call you to avoid ending up on anxiety meds?

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